What is a non-negotiable?
Daily non-negotiables are routine tasks that you choose not compromise on. They are positive actions that you will make time for regardless of phone calls, texts, or what comes up *. These are boundaries you set for yourself and in a relationship (emotional, business etc), for others too. These boundaries allow you to feel in control and to get things done. They can help to give structure to your day.
How do I know what they should be?
Start by identifying what matters most to you in your daily life and think of what could make a difference to you (and possibly others) if you introduced them.
What values and principles guide you? Are there things that you cannot compromise on?
You can write a list and make sure you are clear about what is non-negotiable and achievable, rather than something that might be nice to have but is not necessarily achievable.
What things do you refuse to give up because they have an overwhelmingly positive impact on you? That may be a non-negotiable for you.
For example promising yourself a walk outside every day; time for meditation or setting after which you stop checking emails or social media.
They are things that are important to you which can be based on the way you live your life eg your morals, principles and ethics: the things you expect from yourself and the people around you.
Often in relationships eg emotional, family, business etc we have an ‘assumed’ understanding of how we should behave to others and what we expect in return. However, something that we consider a non-negotiable needs to be articulated and agreed upon by both parties. That may require compromise until you can reach a point of agreement.
Of course, in successful relationships – with ourselves and others – there will be areas where we choose not to compromise. These are values that inform how we live our lives – they can come from our upbringing, our culture, possibly our religious beliefs but also from the society we are brought up in.
These can form what we could call our ‘identity’ and ‘sense of self’ – and we would not necessarily wish to compromise on these values.
* Unfortunately there will be times when the world around us or life events force us to have to re-negotiate our non-negotiables! But that is a part of life which we know is not always perfect so in these situations we may have to compromise – hopefully in the short term only. The important thing in setting non-negotiables is to avoid bending our own rules when we are the ones in control.
There is nothing wrong in re-visiting our non-negotiables and its important for them not to become a negative thing in our lives which cause us distress and a sense of failure if we don’t quite meet them or find they no longer serve us.
photo: Michael Burrows
Tone writes about non-negotiable activities in our lives
As chiropractors we talk to our patients about finding a regular daily routine for activities that helps us; being for our backs, but also our emotional wellbeing.
We know how that physical activity is just as important for spinal mobility, as it is for our mental health.
This summer, as our family navigates our grief of losing my beloved husband Steve, I’ve been so reminded of why this is so vital, and how it can help when we are faced with these kinds of challenges.
Most of us face challenges at some point in our lives and some have them more than others.
Finding small and regular strategies can both have a short term and long term impact and enable us to navigate life a little easier. Motivation to keep going is perhaps the hardest thing to do, but once you get going it is much easier.
As I already had daily wellbeing routines, it was easier to keep them going: meditating, outdoor swimming , dancing, walks in nature, connecting to close friends and bringing in yoga again. I could immediately feel the change in my physiology.
I cannot tell you how much movement can change our physiological and mental state.
It’s been a huge positive influence for me this summer. Whenever I have felt too overloaded, frustrated and also sad, I have found that a swim, walk in the woods, and a dance session has ameliorated my emotions and lifted my spirit.
It’s enabled me to keep going with my grief, and get some strength.
I’m sharing this as we were all humans, and it helps being a little more open and honest about our lives, and there is no stigma about feelings and emotions.
Life happens to us all.
What are some of your non-negotiable activities in your life that you have found essential to you?
