Christmas can be one of the most wonderful times of the year, an opportunity to meet up with family and friends that we haven’t seen for a long time but it can also mean we have to be around people that we’re not so happy to be near:

  • Office parties can be fun but there’s usually someone we’d prefer to avoid.
  • Meeting up with a group of friends often means there’s someone in the group who is annoying.
  • Family and loved ones often bring people along that we wouldn’t choose to be with.
  • Even people we love can bring up uncomfortable feelings and especially if we’re near them for lengthy periods of time.

So how can we get through Christmas without being upset by anyone and not allow them to ruin our good time?

The key to maintaining peace and goodwill around difficult people is to recognise that everything that they say or do is about them and has very little to do with you.

Most people behave the way they do as a result of their own fears, thoughts and feelings and is more to do with past times when they’ve been in similar situations.

We all behave the way we do as a result of what we’ve learned from past experience whether it’s good, bad or indifferent and we’re all a mixture of all of those things.

So when others are being difficult don’t take what they say personally.

It may be that you’re unconsciously reminding them of a similar situation or of someone else who has hurt them in the past.

When you recognise that other people are projecting their view of the world as a result of their experiences, you become more resilient and their words and behaviour don’t have so much impact.

It might also be that other people are unconsciously reminding you of similar situations you’ve faced or of someone who has previously hurt you, so uncomfortable feelings are being triggered by their words and behaviour but has little to do with them and is more to do with your own memories.

So be kind and gentle because you really don’t know what’s happened to other people in the past for them to behave the way they do.

For a difficult relationship with another person to change, one of you needs to break the cycle so perhaps it could start with you?

When we’re patient and kind to others our brain releases serotonin which makes us feel more relaxed and happy, endorphins that reduce our pain, and oxytocin that makes us feel more loving and loved.

So if someone in your party is behaving like an idiot, know that they’re doing the best they can and there’s a reason for their behaviour. Focus on something that’s good about them, and take some nice big deep letting go breaths and say or do something kind for them because it’s better for both of you.

Have a very happy christmas X